Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (“EQ”) is a term that has been gaining popularity in recent years because of the mental health awareness boom.
You have probably heard many people, both in your personal and work life, use the term to describe people around them or themselves. EQ and IQ (Intelligence Quotient) are ways to measure people’s emotional intelligence and reasoning ability.
I have seen EQ play a large role in essentially every area of my life since I was a little kid. Many of you have probably experienced both people who are highly emotionally intelligent and those who are not. The more you understand EQ the more you will notice it in yourself and others.
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence refers to “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.”
Emotional Intelligence is known to include certain skills such as emotional awareness, which is the ability to identify and name one’s own emotions; the ability to harness and apply those emotions to tasks such as thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, such as regulating one’s own emotions (when necessary) and helping others to do the same.
Emotional intelligence is important because it allows a person to manage their emotions in a way that doesn’t negatively affect themselves or the people around them. EQ also allows a person to better understand the people around them as well as organizations and systems. Most high-level leaders have high EQs that help them respond to challenging situations in a cool, calm manner.
HOW IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE MEASURED
Several different assessments can measure levels of emotional intelligence. These tests typically fall into one of two types: ability tests and self-report tests.
Self-report tests are the most common EQ tests because they are the easiest to score and administer. These tests have respondents answer a series of questions by rating themselves using terms such as agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, or strongly disagree.
Ability tests are different then self-report tests since they involve having people respond to situations and assessing their skills. These tests are typically rated by a third party who watches the respondent in action.
Two common EQ tests administered by mental health professionals include:
- Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT): This is an ability-based test measuring the four branches of Mayer and Salovey’s EI model. Test-takers perform a series of tasks that are designed to assess their ability to perceive, identify, understand, and manage emotions.
- Emotional and Social Competence Inventory (ESCI): This test is based on the older Self-Assessment Questionnaire that has people who know the individual give ratings of that person’s abilities in various emotional competencies. The test is designed to find out the leadership qualities in a person.
There are also many informal resources online that help with investigating a person’s EQ.
SIGNS AND TRAITS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
There are several personality traits and signs that point towards emotional intelligence. As with any person, traits and characteristics will vary and differ, but there are some general and obvious traits of people who have a higher level of emotional intelligence.
SELF-AWARENESS
Self-awareness is being able to tune into your own emotions. It allows you to know what emotions you are feeling and why you are feeling them, and if those feelings help or hinder what you’re trying to do.
CURIOSITY
Emotional intelligence is built around the curiosity of one’s own emotions as well as others. Being curious and asking yourself questions about why you are feeling the way you are and why others feel the way they do makes curiosity a key EQ trait. Having a curious and open-minded outlook makes it much easier to connect with people around us and maintain stable, solid relationships long-term.
SELF-MANAGEMENT
Self-management is the ability to keep our impulsive and volatile emotions to ourselves. This includes traits and characteristics such as emotional self-control, adaptability, achievement orientation, and positive outlook. Managing one’s own powerful emotions can be difficult, but high EQ personalities tend to manage them more efficiently.
RESILIENCE
Understanding people’s emotions help you to not only see the silver lining in situations but also manage and “go with the flow” when faced with uncertainty. Being resilient means navigating through difficult emotions, both your own and others. It also means being able to recover when things don’t go your way. Some researchers believe that we should pay closer attention to AQ, which stands for adaptability quotient. AQ focuses on dealing with uncertainty and new situations.
HUMILITY
The ability to listen to feedback and constructive criticism is a tell-tale trait of high EQ individuals. But when receiving feedback, especially negative feedback, it takes a good amount of self-control to hold back the feelings of “That’s true, I’m not like that at all!” Acting from a place of humility means taking responsibility for our beliefs and behaviors without thinking we always know best. At the same time, not all feedback is of equal value (some are simply insults), so being able to tell the difference is also a sign of a high-EQ individual.
INDEPENDENCE
Emotional Intelligence helps you build autonomy in your own life by knowing yourself well and doing things that enhance your well-being and avoiding things that don’t. By understanding yourself in this way, you can create a life where you will thrive even if you’re alone. This high EQ trait can also help people avoid unhealthy co-dependent relationships.
SOCIAL AWARENESS
Social awareness is the ability to accurately pick up on other people’s emotions, often through non-verbal cues. It is critical for leaders to empathize and relates to other people’s problems and issues and also includes what’s known as organizational awareness, which is the ability to predict how organizations or groups of people are going to think and react to certain situations.
PERCEPTIVENESS
This one is intertwined with curiosity since being curious often goes hand in hand with perceptiveness. High EQ individuals tend to pick up on all of the “small” things within a conversation. They may pick up on the tone of voice, body language, choice of words, and are usually good at spotting liars and con artists. Being perceptive lends to avoiding people who may not have our best intentions at heart, as well as picking up on those that do.
EVEN TEMPER
We all have those days when we want to lash out at the world. Getting angry now and then is a basic part of being human. But learning to hold back the urge to constantly lash out and burn bridges is a trait of highly emotional intelligent individuals. Keeping an even temper can alleviate a lot of chaos and drama in one’s life. Maintaining a level of emotional control is also related to impulsivity. Those who are less impulsive tend to be more productive and procrastinate less.
RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT
Relationships management is an interpersonal skill that allows an individual to motivate, inspire, and harmonize with others. It also allows them to maintain important relationships over time. Traits and skills of relationships management include coaching and mentoring, influence, conflict management, inspirational leadership, and teamwork.
COOPERATIVENESS
High-EQ people tend to be well-liked and respected by those around them. Why? Because they’re emotionally stable, they ask good questions, and they pay attention. Even more, is their ability to stay flexible within large groups of people. They understand how different people relate to each other and they also understand systems, which is why they often deal with conflict management and resolution.
ANECDOTES SHOWCASING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
CHRIS’ ANXIOUS MIND:
Chris has been struggling with daily anxiety for years. This anxiety comes in the form of obsessive thinking, constant worrying, and higher stress levels. Over the years of experiencing this anxiety, Chris became fully aware of his struggles and began keeping journals, changing his daily habits that weren’t healthily serving him, and went to therapy to help with managing and reducing his anxiety. He then began helping others around him who struggle with anxiety by letting them vent, giving them advice, and being there when they struggle. Doing all of those things to help himself and others shows that Chris is emotionally intelligent.
ANNA AND HER HUSBAND:
Anna has been married to her husband Billy for ten years. Soon after they got married Anna began noticing that Billy would become highly agitated and stressed when he was in social situations with their family and friends. Anna asked Billy about his stress levels during these social situations and Billy explained to her that he indeed suffered from social anxiety. He was too embarrassed to tell her when they first met. Knowing this information, Anna began paying close attention to Billy any time they would have to meet family or friends in a social setting; she would monitor and comfort him without being nagging or trying to control the situation. By being there for Billy emotionally, she gave him a healthy outlet to vent his fears and stressors. Eventually, Anna convinces Billy to seek professional help for his social anxiety and Billy began to slowly manage and reduce his stress levels around others. Throughout this process, Anna showed that she was emotionally intelligent as she not only picked up on Billy’s stress but also was there for him in a meaningful way to help him through it.
THE MINDFUL MANAGER:
As a long-time manager, Christy came across many different personalities. Over the years she learned how to handle these personalities and what types of managerial skills to implement during volatile or uncomfortable situations. One week Chrisy noticed her most outgoing employee was barely talking; in fact, she wasn’t even coming out of her cubical most of the time. This was strange and uncharacteristic of this employee so Christy asked him how he was doing. At first, he said everything was fine, but after Christy checked upon him a second time (sensing something wasn’t fine), he told her his wife had just filed for divorce. Christy, understanding there is a fine line between professionalism and friendship, told him that if he needed any time off to clear his head, she would be fine with it. This allowed the employee the freedom and emotional space to digest what he had just found out. By noticing something was off with him, and allowing him the space to clear his head, Christy showcased her emotional intelligence without crossing any professional boundaries.
CAN YOU IMPROVE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
The answer is yes, you can. Although improving emotional intelligence is a topic for another day, below are some quick tips from the Harvard Division Of Continuing Education on how to do just that:
RECOGNIZE AND NAME YOUR EMOTIONS
What emotions are you feeling? Can you name them? When is a stressful situation, what emotions tend to arise? How would you like to respond in those stressful situations? Can you stop, pause, and reflect on your response? These questions are one’s you should ask yourself throughout the day, especially when you’re going through more stressful or tenuous situations when emotions typically run high.
ASK FOR FEEDBACK
You can do a self-audit of your emotions by asking family, friends, coworkers, or classmates how they would rate your emotional intelligence. If you think they may not tell you the truth, then find a more unbiased third party who might such as a therapist or counselor. Ask them how well you respond to difficult situations, conflict management, and how adaptable and empathetic you are.
READ LITERATURE
Some studies show reading literature that includes complex characters can help to improve empathy. Reading stories about other people’s lives and perspectives can help you to gain valuable insight into their motivations, thoughts, and their actions. Doing this may also enhance social awareness.
IN REVIEW
Emotional Intelligence is a vital aspect of life. Whether it’s your relationships, your education, your career, or your hobbies and friendships, emotional intelligence is a centerpiece of all of it. You cannot maintain long, healthy two-sided relationships without some basic level of emotional intelligence. If you already have a fairly high level of EQ then wonderful. But if you tend to struggle in this area, there are some things you can do to improve it.
Although we strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for any kind of professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the medical and health area for your particular needs and circumstances prior to making any medical or health-related decisions. For your health-related questions, please seek the advice of a licensed physician or any other qualified health care provider immediately.
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