Emotional triggers play a large role in the ebbs and flow of everyday life.
How to manage emotional triggers is critical to living a more peaceful life.
Many people do not know what an emotional trigger is by definition, but most everyone would know what they feel like.
Emotional triggers can feel very uncomfortable. I often describe them as the “punch in the gut” sensation you get when finding out devastating or shocking news. Many triggers are subconscious and we may not even realize the effect they are having on our lives.
I dealt with many different emotional triggers throughout my childhood without ever realizing what they were or where they stemmed from until I got older. Once I started deconstructing them the patterns became all too clear and the causes were easily visible.
But before you can manage emotional triggers, you need to understand what they are and how they impact your life.
WHAT ARE EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
“An emotional trigger is any topic that makes us feel uncomfortable. These emotional triggers are telling us which aspects of our life we might feel frustrated or unsatisfied with. As mentioned above, it can vary in each person because we are all struggling with something different.”
Although there are numerous definitions, I define an emotional trigger as something that sets off a memory or flashback, bringing the person back to the event of their original trauma. Triggers can be any stimuli that elicit a strong, automatic emotional response. These stimuli could be a person, event, comment, stare, or even a smell.
Triggers always bring up a strong emotional response from the person experiencing them, and they are very personal and different for each person. These responses can range from anger, fear, terror, sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame, and many others. Triggers are automatic, meaning once the particular stimuli can be felt, seen, or heard, the “pit in the stomach” feeling is automatically triggered.
Triggers can be subtle, or they can be blatant. Some people know their triggers well, while others struggle to identify them. In my observations, many people know what a trigger feels like and can instantly identify them, yet don’t understand that they are triggers. They know that they feel like crap but couldn’t explain precisely why they do.
EXAMPLES OF EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
The Breakup Song: Katie and Matt dated for two years in college, and both were madly in love with each other. But after college Katie finds out Matt has to move away for his new job offer and they eventually break up. One evening on her way home from work she hears their favorite song and is instantly sick to her stomach and deeply saddened. That song, and the punch in the gut feeling, is an emotional trigger.
The Smell Of Chicken Parm: Jim and his mother were very close. She would have Jim over every weekend for dinner and would make his favorite, chicken parmesan. The smell of that chicken parmesan became a staple of Jim’s mother. After her sudden death, Jim decides to go out with his family to an Italian restaurant where he orders his favorite, the chicken parmesan. But after getting his meal, the smell of the dinner reminds him of his mother and makes him depressed. That smell would be an emotional trigger for Jim.
HOW TO BETTER MANAGE EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
UNDERSTAND YOUR TRIGGERS
Oftentimes people go through their entire lives without ever understanding their emotional triggers. They know that they get emotional during certain times, around certain people, or in certain places, but they don’t fully examine the reasons why. But if you want to better manage emotional triggers, you must understand them (at least to some degree).
The first thing I recommend doing is jotting down throughout the day whenever you feel triggered – write the time of day, the situation and who (if anyone) is involved, and how it made you feel. Doing this for three months will help you see patterns and the causes of many of these triggers.
After you do this, make a list of every different situation, person, place, etc. that triggered you, and then count out how many of each you encountered during those three months. At the end, you’ll have a list as short as ten and a sling as fifty or even more triggers. And you’ll be able to spot which ones give you the most problems.
This is a good start.
PRACTICE JOURNALING
Journaling is such a fun, easy, and powerful way to manage emotional triggers. There are a few key reasons why that is the case.
First off, journaling allows us to get those triggering thoughts and emotions out of our heads and onto a piece of paper. There is nothing more frustrating than having a whirlwind of negative thoughts and emotions swirl around inside your head, unable to free themselves. Letting them go on a piece of paper while you journal can be liberating and extremely helpful.
Secondly, journaling can also, over time, reveal the causes of emotional triggers. You may be triggered by seemingly random people, places, things, or situations and not have a good explanation as to why. But if you journal about them, you will begin to see patterns emerging and will have a much better understanding of what may be causing those emotional triggers.
USE THE 90 SECOND RULE
What is the 90-second rule?
This is a term coined by Harvard brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor. She discovered that when a person has an emotional reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that occurs. Any emotional response beyond that 90-seconds is the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.
What does this mean?
According to Taylor’s observation, from a neurological standpoint, we can choose moment by moment how we want to be in our environment.
This is powerful stuff.
Especially for those who suffer from anxiety.
An example of this 90-second rule would be as follows: You’re at lunch with a few family members, and a touchy subject comes up in conversation. One of your family members says something rude and inappropriate, and feelings of anger instantly overcome you. The fight, flight, or freeze response is now being triggered. From a purely neurological standpoint, your brain’s chemical reaction causing the anger will be flushed out within 90 seconds. Knowing this, you can choose not to get caught up in the emotion. You will then chemically fall back to your state of being previous to the anger.
EXERCISE + DIET + SLEEP
You can apply these three to any aspect of your life or your health. Getting the proper amount of sleep, eating relatively healthy, and exercising is important when it comes to managing triggers. Why? Because if any one of those is off, you will feel the effects in the form of heightened anxiety which will increase the chances of you experiencing triggers.
Anxiety and emotional triggers are tied together in many respects – since triggers can cause anxiety and anxiety can cause triggers.
Be diligent in taking care of your basic health needs. They make a much bigger difference than you think.
RUN IT THROUGH A THOUGHT RECORD
Thought Records are used to challenge our fear-based thinking. Anxiety can produce a heavy dose of negative thoughts that seem to repeat over and over. These negative thoughts directly affect our moods; they tend to reaffirm some negative beliefs, propel a fear, or stir up more anxiety.
A thought record starts with writing down a thought or situation that triggers us. The first thing you do is write the thought or concern down on a piece of paper. Then, you run it through a thought record, a series of questions geared towards deconstructing the thought and getting to the root by challenging the thought with logic.
You start by rating how strong the emotion is associated with the thought feels and then answer questions that either prove or disprove the thought’s core belief. Then, you rank the emotion attached to the thought to see if there has been any mood improvement.
LIMIT ALCOHOL, CAFFEINE, DRUGS
This one is also common sense, yet many people struggle to limit their caffeine, alcohol, and drug intake. These substances can have a drastic impact on your overall mood, not to mention anxiety, stress, depression, and other factors. When you are hungover for example, anxiety is typically heightened which increases the odds of experiencing a trigger.
Coffee in the right doses can be the perfect complement to my morning routine. But the research reveals that caffeine is not ideal for managing anxiety. The National Coffee Association (yes, there is such a thing), estimates that 62% of Americans drink coffee at least once per day. The average amount is about three cups per day, which for those who deal with anxiety, can potentially increase symptoms. Studies have shown that coffee elicits more stress and anxiety in people who drink three hundred milligrams of caffeine. You may want to monitor your anxiety by tracking your moods and correlating the numbers with the amount of caffeine you are consuming.
Be sure to pay close attention to how you are living your life. Be intentional about limiting mind-altering substances. They can and will affect how you manage emotional triggers.
WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE
How (the style) you speak and what (the content) you talk about, both out loud and inside your mind, can have a powerful effect on your psyche. Even when you’re not in a state of depression, the words you choose can still affect how you perceive the world and your own life within it.
We tend to be fixated on thoughts and emotions (rightfully so) as related to depression and mental health, but your vocabulary is the reflection of those thoughts and emotions. Your words bind the thoughts and emotions together. The Cognitive Triangle teaches us that thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are interconnected. And since language is the way we speak (both to ourselves and others) about the thoughts, emotions, and actions we are experiencing, it plays a significant role in our mental health.
Watching your language is a subtle way to better manage emotional triggers.
EXAMPLES OF HOW LANGUAGE IMPACTS EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
You are talking to a good friend who is going through a breakup and the following conversation occurs:
When you ask, “How are you doing?”
They respond with “Awful!” Or “I hate my life!”
Although these are understandable responses to breaking up with someone, they might not understand how their language is sabotaging their efforts to grieve and heal. This does not mean they will always feel good or have “positive” emotions, but continuing to talk about their life in a negative way has an impact.
Another example would be someone stuck in a job they do not like. They have a family to feed, bills to pay, and feel as though they are trapped in a dead-end career with no passion or excitement. After a while, they may become distraught and even depressed.
They will say things such as, “I’ll never get out of this job!” or “I hate going to that stupid job!
Their language is becoming a barrier to finding a solution to the problem they face because it’s only adding to their suffering and pain.
Instead, if they replaced it with “My job certainly isn’t perfect, but it pays the bills!” The power of meaning behind that statement, gratitude, as opposed to anger and resentment, helps get our minds in a healthier place.
I can remember one time in my own life when I was struggling through depression, and I couldn’t get out of my way.
My thoughts and my language were immersed in negativity, judgments, and fear.
I would think, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m so f**king sick of feeling this way,” and it would only bring me deeper into my depressed state.
It’s like trying to untie your shoelace and creating an even bigger knot. But there are ways to break it down and change the way you speak.
Remember that language has an impact on our triggers.
IN REVIEW
Emotional triggers are a very common occurrence and just because you experience them doesn’t mean they have to control your life. If you learn what your triggers are, where they originate or stem from, and how to better manage them, they will be more of a tiny nuisance than a major issue. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to email at brad@upplifter.com. I am happy to help!
Although we strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for any kind of professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the medical and health area for your particular needs and circumstances prior to making any medical or health-related decisions. For your health-related questions, please seek the advice of a licensed physician or any other qualified health care provider immediately.
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