Emotional triggers can be found virtually everywhere in your life.
There are certain situations and events that unfold that will cause you pain.
If you do not effectively heal the wound that caused you the pain, over time, that wound will come back to haunt you in other areas of your life.
Let me explain.
WHAT IS A TRIGGER?
An emotional trigger is something that sets off a memory or flashback bringing the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.
Triggers are different for everybody and very personal.
Many people try to avoid locations or stimuli that will spark the flashback of intense emotions.
A good example of this is Mike and his girlfriend Suzi. They were dating for two years. Then, one night Suzi catches Mike with another woman at a local bar which ends up ruining their relationship. But even months after they break up, Suzi still avoids going to that bar because whenever she does, the flashback of catching Mike with another woman floods her memory and brings her great emotional pain. This is an emotional trigger for Suzi.
Another example little is Jimmy riding his bike down at the park when suddenly a scary-looking stray dog comes up to him and begins to chase him. Jimmy frantically pedals all the way back home and tells his mom. She informs him that the stray dog is one of the neighbor’s dogs that had gotten loose and run away. She tells Jimmy that the dog is harmless, but Jimmy is still triggered every time he goes to that park. So he now avoids riding his bike anywhere near the park in fear he might be chased again. That is an emotional trigger for Jimmy.
THE THORNS ANALOGY
In the New York Times best-selling book “The Untethered Soul” written by Michael Singer, he calls these triggers “Thorns.”
After reading it, I realized that these thorns were controlling my entire life.
I would avoid certain people, topics, and places just so I wouldn’t feel any pain. Yet I began to realize that most triggers are unavoidable because they often show up in other ways.
Until you pull the “thorn” out, you’ll have to do a series of tiring maneuvers to make sure nothing bumps into them.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just pull them out, instead?
HOW TO SPOT AN EMOTIONAL TRIGGER
Before you can ever heal the wounds of your past and rip off the bandages, you need to be able to spot what an emotional trigger feels like.
Here are a few examples:
You are in a relationship and you have your favorite song together. This is the song you listen to over and over during the relationship, as it brings you joy and happiness. Then, one day you break up. Now, that song becomes painful to hear and every time it comes on the radio you feel a punch in your gut and an emotionally charged response; that is a prime example of what a trigger feels like.
To give you a sports analogy, it’s the championship basketball game and your team is down one point in the waning seconds. Both teams are playing their hearts out in a highly competitive and emotional game. Your teammates inbound the ball, then suddenly, the ball comes flying your way. There’s only a few seconds left, you panic, turn around, and airball the potential game-winning shot as the buzzer sounds. The other team celebrates and you feel like crawling into a hole. Days later some of your teammates are trying to comfort you by saying it wasn’t your fault they lost, but every time you think about that game you cringe and get that sick to your stomach feeling, and you become instantly saddened. That feeling is a trigger.
These emotional triggers can last anywhere from days and weeks to months and even years depending on the severity and the way they are handled.
Can you think of any current triggers you’re facing?
HOW UNDERSTANDING AND SPOTTING EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS HELPS MANAGE ANXIETY
Triggers, especially ones that stem from major traumatic incidents in your life, can become more than just a nuisance as you get older. They can become an anxiety-riddled mess of fears, outbursts, and avoidances.
I remember as a little boy flying on a plane that was having mechanical issues and had to turn around and go back to the airport. I recall that after we landed, people started crying, hugging, and screaming in joy. That experience made me deathly afraid of flying and I avoided flying until seventeen years later when I was well into my twenties. That is a prime example of severe avoidance (trigger) due to a traumatic incident.
I was also mocked and bullied as a little boy. As the “new kid” at school twice in a short period of time, I was mocked for my superficial things such as my looks or something I said or did. Many kids face this type of mocking, but I was someone that bullying hit hard. In order to combat my feelings of being less than or not as good enough, I would lash out in anger at other kids and call them (very mean or nasty) names. I even got into a few fistfights (which goes against my usual laid-back personality). That was a prime example of lashing out over triggers.
Now that you have a better understanding of what a trigger is and how to spot them, what they feel like, and where they stem from, it’s time to tackle the most important part of the equation; healing them so they don’t cause you unwarranted anxiety.
Here are three basic steps that helped me heal some of my past triggers in order to calm my anxiety.
THREE STEPS IN HEALING EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
ACCEPT THE SITUATION
When I was in my early twenties I began losing some of my hair.
At first, it was mortifying, humiliating, and made me feel like total garbage. Naturally, my friends began giving me a hard time and making comments about it. These comments hurt at the time and became one of my emotional triggers. I had no control over my genetics, yet I was being laughed at because of it?
After a while, the bald comments became a major trigger for me. Nobody knew it, but I felt it. I started shaving my head because I liked the look better, yet the comments continued.
Then one day I looked in the mirror and told myself, “You’re losing some of your hair – so what? It’s just hair. Yes, some people will make comments and you won’t always enjoy it, but in the end, this is not that big of a deal.”
I took that mindset of not caring as much, accepted that I was losing hair and that it didn’t make me any less of a person, and began to test out my new approach. The comments would still come, but now I was able to laugh them off.
I knew confidence came from within me, so I didn’t let the comment affect me anymore, and after a while, I realized that the trigger was beginning to fade away.
FEEL THE EMOTIONS
You know the old saying you gotta feel to heal, well it’s true.
Once I felt the pain of the comments people said to me about going bald, I was freed from their awful clutches.
Now feeling the pain will be, well, painful. And I highly recommend seeing a mental health professional if you’re dealing with major emotional trauma from your past because sometimes feeling the pain can bring on all types of other negative emotions.
But that being said, getting the pain out will pay dividends as time goes on. Think of it as getting the poison out of your system after eating bad meat; yes it’s an awful feeling sitting on the toilet with a bucket in front of you, but you need to release the poison (or pain) before it can get better.
Once you do, the healing begins.
TAKE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE (REPLACE THE THOUGHTS)
Now that you’ve accepted whatever the emotional trigger or situation that caused it is and you’ve dealt with the pain of it, it’s time to replace those once painful thoughts with something that can better serve you.
This can be anything from gratitude to comedy, to desire to help others, or even a simple mantra that you repeat to yourself.
After a while whenever the trigger comes up, instead of having a negative emotional reaction, you’ll begin to have a better-suited reaction that won’t hinder your mood and drag you down.
After all, perspective is everything.
IN REVIEW
Once you’ve successfully healed yourself from these emotional triggers, you will feel your anxiety start to wane. The various situations and locations that once caused you worry, anger, and fear, will begin to dissipate. It will happen slowly at first, but over time you will notice a difference until one day that past trigger no longer affects you like it once did. That is when you know you’ve healed yourself and taken control over your anxiety and emotional health.
Good luck and remember that persistence is the key!
If you have any questions or would like a free anxiety coaching consultation – contact me at brad@upplifter.com!
Although we strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for any kind of professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the medical and health area for your particular needs and circumstances prior-to making any medical or health-related decisions. For your health-related questions, please seek the advice of a licensed physician or any other qualified health care provider immediately.
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