Struggling with anxiety is a heavy burden.
A while back I was out with friends having a few drinks and discussing life when I mentioned my struggles. One of my friends looked over, somewhat dumbfounded, and said:
“Well, everyone struggles with anxiety.”
I looked at him and said, “Well, yes, every person experiences anxiety at times, but not everyone struggles from severe anxiety.”
He looked at me somewhat puzzled. So I went on to explain to him and my group of friends just how bad it can be for someone struggling with anxiety.
He had no idea; In fact, he was quite stunned.
I began to realize that there are many people who do not fully understand how dreadful it can be for those of us who struggle with severe anxiety.
This could be anxiety disorders such as General Anxiety Disorder (GAD), PTSD, panic attacks, and emotional trauma. I could tell by their reactions that my friends were quite taken aback by my statement. It’s moments like those that gave me the clarity I needed to start Upplifter.
BEING A VOICE
I wanted to be a voice for the voiceless, and for those who are afraid to speak up, afraid to be mocked, and afraid to be ridiculed.
I’ve made it a point to bring up struggling with anxiety to as many people as possible. The amount of positive feedback and “Yes, me too!” responses have been substantial. I have been able to share my story with thousands of other people over the years. And best of all, I am able to listen to their experiences with anxiety. We are then able to share tips with each other and lend a helpful ear.
Struggling with anxiety has given me the opportunity to share my experiences; this has been critical in my growth process.
Through these conversations, I came up with the idea to share the more hidden characteristics of those who struggle with severe anxiety. I decided to write this blog post for two reasons; to enlighten those who do not know as much about those of us who struggle with anxiety, and to give some relatable content to those who do.
Here are five items no one tells you about the person struggling with anxiety.
LITTLE THINGS CAN SEEM OVERWHELMING TO US
If I could scream this one at the top of my lungs to the entire world, I would:
When you deal with heavy doses of daily anxiety, it’s like having a weight on your shoulders. That weight can keep you from speaking your opinion; it can keep you from sticking up for yourself, and it can keep you from even wanting to leave your home.The weight of anxiety can feel like a thousand pounds of raw emotion and a stifling burden. That weight enhances all the “little things” in life that most people who do not deal with severe anxiety take for granted and makes them seem urgent and even threatening.
Here is a quick list of little things that can personally give me a brutal dose of anxiety:
- Grocery shopping
- Being in a crowded food court
- Talking amongst a group of people
- Walking up to a crowded restaurant
- Driving in heavier traffic
- Speaking to a customer on the phone
- Giving my opinion amongst a group of people
These seemingly little things can put me directly into the dreaded fight or flight mode.
My heart begins to race, my speech stutters, I begin to sweat, and I worry about every bad thing that could go wrong.
(sigh).
WE NEED OUR SOLITUDE
Every person struggling with anxiety has a unique tale to tell.
Therefore, not all stories are identical, though many are similar. In sharing experiences with other people who suffer from anxiety, I found that many of them enjoyed time alone as I do.
Why do we enjoy this solitude?
Because when you face severe anxiety, panic attacks, or live with an anxiety disorder, every aspect of life itself can become a frightening danger zone of “what if’s.”
Everything around you, especially social interaction, can seem like a grueling uphill climb when you are struggling with anxiety. Taking time to press the reset button and recharge is critical for many who struggle with anxiety. Sometimes this is pushed to extremes, and people rarely leave their house. I have found that planning certain days as “mental health days” and doing activities that I find relaxing and enjoyable, has paid dividends. Everyone is different. Some people only like being alone for a little while; others enjoy being alone for days and even weeks.
These days can consist of anything from hiking, going to the beach, reading books, playing video games, working out, meditating, watching my favorite shows on Netflix, and a slew of other things.
The point is to take time for you. Reprogram yourself. Get in tune with yourself.
Solitude in the right doses can help us maintain a level head in dealing with anxiety.
OUR COPING MECHANISMS MAY SEEM STRANGE OR UNUSUAL
Trying to manage anxiety is a constant challenge.
In my years of traversing anxiety’s plethora of adverse effects, I developed a variety of coping mechanisms; some of them were healthy, others not so much.
Many coping mechanisms I developed were subconscious – meaning, and I wasn’t consciously aware of what I was doing, or why I was doing it. Finally, over time I began to learn more about psychology and behavioral patterns. Learning more about these subjects lead me to deconstruct my behavior to find out why I acted in specific ways.
I’ll give you an example:
When I was younger, I used to tense up my entire body and violently shake my hands back and forth. I would do this more than a few times a day, lasting from four or five seconds to ten or more seconds. In other words, I was doing something out of the ordinary and seemed strange to the people around me. I vividly remember doing it, but at the time I couldn’t explain why I did it or where the tendency developed. Much of this started when my parents’ marriage was beginning to deteriorate, which eventually lead to a divorce. My mom was the first to notice it, and then the rest of my family did, and they would ask me about it. Nobody could pinpoint or identify the reason(s) I was doing it at the time, but I would later learn that many of my obsessive and compulsive behaviors were triggered by the stress and anxiety I was facing at the time.
ESCAPING THE REALITY OF MY ANXIETY
I would escape to what I call “fantasy worlds” in my mind as a youngster for hours every day.
I did this for many years. Whether it was sports, music, writing, you name it; I would create this fictional reality in my head and play out scenarios that made me feel safe and alive. Because I had suppressed so much of the trauma I had faced as a little boy, I needed a safe space to run to where no one could hurt me, and where I was in complete control. I still enjoyed going outside, playing video games, and hanging out with my friends, but my “alternative realities” were a crucial component of my earlier life.
As I got older, my anxiety-driven behavior turned into avoidance.
I avoided situations that made me feel insecure or that brought back any emotional triggers from my past. I avoided long term relationships with girls that I clearly wanted to date; playing team sports in high school and beyond; going to my senior prom; speaking out my truth on certain topics; going after what I really wanted instead of what I thought others wanted me to do.
These are all examples of avoidance due to anxiety and insecurity from my past. None of this changed who I was becoming on the inside. They simply gave me an excuse to not do certain activities based on fear.
If you notice someone struggling with anxiety acting unusually, cut them some slack. Listen to these people, they might open up to you about their experiences. But please do not judge them.The judgment does not help; it only makes things worse. Remember that oftentimes the person who is struggling is not consciously aware of their behaviors.
Give them space to learn, to discover, and to heal.
MANAGING OUR ANXIETY IS A DAILY BATTLE
When you struggle with severe anxiety, every single day can seem like a long and scary journey through the unknown.
Nobody “gets over” that type of anxiety.
It’s a process.
Some days are better than others.
There are times when I wake up and feel like a million bucks. Refreshed, motivated, and ready to go. I’ll get up, do my morning meditation, check my phone, go for a walk on the treadmill, and take a shower. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a negative thought will come through my mind and hit me like a ton of bricks. This has a ripple effect and before I can even blink, I’m immersed in anxiety. My fight, flight, or freeze survival mode kicks on. My thoughts begin to race, and my heart begins to pound. Sometimes this feeling lasts for hours and even days after it begins. This is what it’s like to live with severe anxiety.
If you know someone who struggles with anxiety, and you see them having one of these days, let them be. If they decide to open up to you about it, by all means, listen. But listen without judgment. Don’t try to solve all of their worries. Just listen attentively, and be there to comfort them.
Dealing with anxiety is a moment by moment process.
There are no shortcuts to getting rid of it all. But, there are many tactics in coping with it, lessening the effects of anxiety, and eventually ridding yourself of the ups and downs. But that takes time and patience. There will be highs and lows, and peaks and valleys.
This is the daily battle people who suffer from severe anxiety face.
WE DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS
Having dealt with my own anxiety, depression, and obsessive thoughts, friends and family who have mental illnesses, and losing multiple friends to suicide, I can assure you that nobody wants to be like this.
Nobody wakes up in the morning and thinks, “Ahhh…I cannot WAIT to have a panic attack at work today!”
Nor do they think, “Oh my God, I am SO excited to experience days worth of debilitating anxiety!”
In other words, people who have severe anxiety didn’t choose this for themselves. They didn’t actively pursue a life with constant, nagging anxiety. If we could wave a magic wand and rid ourselves of the worries, stress, and negative thought patterns, we would.
Perspective is everything, and like anything in life, there’s a silver lining to suffering from anxiety. Once you know what it’s like to go down that rugged terrain, your eyes are opened to the struggles of others. After a while, you begin to view other people who suffer from anxiety as you would your family member. You now understand something only certain people ever will; the amount of energy it takes to get through certain days. You know the pit in the stomach feeling, the never-ending cycle of negative thoughts, and the physical exhaustion that accompanies it all.
I tend to view my anxiety as a blessing, not a curse. I’ve gained such powerful knowledge on mental health because of it. There are now people in my life I consider life long friends, thanks to anxiety. I listen more than I speak because of anxiety. And can help others in their journey of overcoming it, because I have gone down a similar road myself.
I am who I am in many areas of my life because of anxiety.
IN REVIEW
- People struggling with anxiety have a unique bond because of their struggle
- Little things can seem overwhelming to us
- We need our solitude; it helps us decompress
- Our actions may seem strange at times
- We fight this battle every single day; although some are better than others
- We do not want to be like this
- Anxiety can be an excellent learning tool if you view it as such
- There is always hope
If you have any questions or would like a free anxiety coaching consultation – contact me at brad@upplifter.com!
Although we strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for any kind of professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the medical and health area for your particular needs and circumstances prior to making any medical or health-related decisions. For your health-related questions, please seek the advice of a licensed physician or any other qualified health care provider immediately.
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