Therapy is a word that tends to scare people.
I would even guess that there are many of you reading this who fear therapy.
“It makes me look weak!”
“I could never tell someone all of my problems and secrets!”
“Why do I need a therapist to tell me what I already know?”
If any of those statements sounds like you, or someone you know, I get it.
I’ve been there before. I was that person. My mind told me I was just fine. I could overcome my anxiety and depression on my own by making a few life changes. I mean after all, I had all the answers, I didn’t need anyone telling me what I should be doing with my thoughts or feelings.
But I was wrong.
A QUICK STORY ABOUT MY PAST
When I was a little boy, my parents went through a brutal divorce. I endured significant changes in my life in those days that greatly impacted my behavior. My self-esteem and confidence took a hit. And I never fully recovered.
My family was worried about me, rightfully so. So my mom sent me to a therapist named Bob. He was a nice enough guy, intelligent, well-spoken, but I never fully connected with him. I always felt like an outsider when talking to him.
Then years later, when I was in high school, battling the same anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and bouts of depression, my mom sent me to him yet again. Amusingly enough, I can remember one specific time when he asked me about the music I was listening to at the time (I was obsessed with Black Sabbath and Ozzy during my high school days), and my response seemed to startle him. I read him some of the Sabbath lyrics, which were dark and depressing, and he gave me a look as if to say, “I have no idea how to help this kid.”
Looking back, it was truly comical. But the fact of the matter is, I didn’t get the help I needed.
Same therapist, same result.
Then in college, when I was still struggling with more of the same obsessive thoughts, I went and saw another therapist on my own. She was also friendly like Bob, and I did connect with her a little better, but I wasn’t fully ready to hear what she had to say.
I was twenty-one years old and kind of ignorant to my own needs.
Then recently, after almost fifteen years of not seeing anyone, I went back again. My cousin and I were talking one day and I was telling him about my woes. He immediately suggested going back to therapy, but he cautioned: “Find someone you connect with and remember that it’s a process.”
A few weeks later I mustered up the courage to make the call and get my first appointment.
MY OWN THERAPY SESSIONS
My first appointment with my new therapist, Kim, was a little nerve-wracking yet also exciting.
It had been a long time since I had set foot in a therapist’s office.
This time, having not seen anyone for fifteen years, I was much better prepared. The biggest difference between now and when I was younger was that I wanted to get better. I wanted to learn more about myself, my issues, and how to manage and overcome them. Having the desire to change is crucial to approaching therapy with the right mindset.
It took me a few sessions to settle in, but once I did, I was off to the races. I had made a checklist of things I wanted to learn and improve. I gave it to Kim along with a timeline of every major event in my life. She laughed and said, “I’ve never had anyone give something like this to me before.”
Hey, I wanted to be prepared!
Through all of my sessions, I have learned techniques and skills, developed healthier perspectives, and grown into a more mindful, less anxious person. I cannot tell you how important these sessions have been for my growth as a human being.
I’m continuing to go to this day.
I will likely always go, even if just once a year, to make sure I’m on the healthiest path possible.
Kim has taught me so much about myself from an unbiased third-party perspective.
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE YOU GO TO THERAPY
If you’ve never been to therapy or haven’t been back in a while, there are some basic things you should know before making that first visit. At the very least, having an understanding of a few of the things below will give you a strong starting foundation.
Here are a few things to consider before going into your first session:
Therapy Takes Time – Remember that therapy and counseling take time, especially if you have deep emotional and mental wounds from your past. Give yourself time. And give your therapist time to work with you. Change doesn’t happen overnight. Stick with it, and over time you will start to feel a positive shift. And if you’re struggling to connect with your therapist, don’t be afraid to try someone new until you find someone who fits your needs.
Remember To Be Kind To Yourself – I know many times I would beat myself up for not doing what I was supposed to be doing between sessions. “I can do better!” I’d say to myself in an angry tone. But the fact is when you are programmed to think, act and feel a certain way your entire life, it’s going to be a bumpy road at times. Cut yourself some slack, give yourself a break. Show compassion to yourself. Don’t give up or give in, but be gentle with yourself.
Know What You Want – What do you want out of therapy? What is your “why” for going? Have some bullet points written down before you go in. Try to figure out exactly where you’d like to be mentally, emotionally, and even physically after a few months of going. What is your end goal? And if you don’t have a good answer, tell your therapist, “I don’t even know where I want to go but I just know I need help.” This answer will vary for everyone, but give it some serious thought before you make the first call.
WHAT TO EXPECT WHILE IN THERAPY
Unbiased Third-Party Perspective – Do not underestimate the value of getting a third party unbiased opinion to listen and give feedback. That is what therapy provides — a stranger with good intentions and knowledge on mental health guiding you where you need to be. It’s a powerful tool.
Ups and Downs – Inevitably there will be ups and downs in therapy. After certain sessions you will feel on top of the world like nothing can stop you from getting better. After others, you will feel like complete and utter shit. You’ll be emotionally and mentally drained. But keep going. You don’t get to the pot of gold by giving up.
Skills and Techniques – You will gain knowledge. You will better understand yourself, your patterns, and what you need to improve upon. And most importantly, you will learn coping skills, techniques, and other ways to manage whatever you’re experiencing. These are more tools that you can carry in your mental health toolbox for a lifetime.
IN REVIEW
Therapy is one of the most significant investments that I’ve ever made in my life. The benefits are life-changing and long-lasting. The rewards are aplenty. If you’re having doubts about going, think of how it could help change your life for the better. If you’re scared, it’s okay, it’s natural. I was too! Heck, it took me fifteen years between sessions. But deciding to go back has helped to propel me in all areas of my life. I’m more self-aware, I’m more grounded, and I’m more confident. Overall, I’m a healthier version of myself.
If you would like a free mindset coaching consultation – contact me at brad@upplifter.com!
Although we strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for any kind of professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the medical and health area for your particular needs and circumstances prior to making any medical or health-related decisions. For your health-related questions, please seek the advice of a licensed physician or any other qualified health care provider immediately.
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